I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
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I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
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You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
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