dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?