I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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