we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
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I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
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Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.