Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
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I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
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...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
Why are you drunk at the library?
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun