My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
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I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
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Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY