When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds