I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Randomize
