she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
Randomize
