I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Randomize
