How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
Randomize
