We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
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