there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Randomize
