woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
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