Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
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