Rock
Scissors
Fuck
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
Did I show you my penis last night?
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
