I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
