Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
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