just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Randomize
