I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
Randomize
