last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
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