she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
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