I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
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