FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
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She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
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My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
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