forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Randomize
