my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
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