Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
Randomize
