All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
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