I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
Boobs are out for the taking
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
If I die, sorry about rent.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
