Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
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