we're blogging at a bar
We're facebook friends in real life
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
