"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
I wish they made helmets for livers.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize
