were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
