Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize
