I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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