You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
love makes seman taste better
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
