I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
you're hired as official boob wrangler
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
