I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
I just sucked dick on a ferry
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
