eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
