I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
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