thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Randomize
