just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
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