Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
