Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
I'm having to shit out rocks
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