my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
I feel like death gave me a hand job
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
