What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
Randomize
