you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Randomize
