pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
it's like iHOP with fire
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
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