Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
You've changed since you got that strap on
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
Randomize
