is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Randomize
