can we get nightvision for the apartment?
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
Randomize
