There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
