Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
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