i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
Randomize
