Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Randomize
