I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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