the new term for farting is butt boxing.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
