mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
