...so i touched it.
My girlfriend figured out who you are.
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
Randomize
